I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got inside last night via doggy door
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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