Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
