3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
