i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
