Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Life is so much better after having sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
