Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
