i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
