It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
