Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
