So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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