Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
