Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
