but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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