Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
