We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
