Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
