i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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