I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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