4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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