I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
