I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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