Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize