Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
