I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
