Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
