Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
