The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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