i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
