i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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