Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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