I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
