Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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