I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize