think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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