my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
