we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
