She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
