They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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