sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
