i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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