I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
