I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Randomize
