I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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