i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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