Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
