what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
