who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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