Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
