I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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