My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
