Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
