Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
