I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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