i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
