well most of my day revolves around power hour
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
