Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
