Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
