i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
