Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
