I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
