id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you didnt know i had herpes?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
