I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
