We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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