I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
