I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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