my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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