How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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