i already hear my dad disowning me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize